LIFE

I miss my old life seriously. Which is I stayed far from my family with my small lil family that only Bonda, Daddy, Along and Meself. No one can disturb our happiness. Until one tragedy that took my lovely Bonda away from me forever which is 2008. I was seriously not in my right mind at that time. I was so scared and lost because i was 16 and obviously my life was with my mom. But after awhile, i got everything on track when i started to studied in Legenda College in Mantin Negeri Sembilan 2011.
My life was so beautiful when I've my friends around me that supports me more than my family.
They understood me very well and never leave my side when I need them. They always motivates me whatever I'm doing. My life was so peaceful and smooth. One thing my mistakes was i did not think the consequences if i be friends with them. They are INTERNATIONAL people. Not LOCAL !
They are kind a from all the countries and that's killing me for that. Why the hell are all my friends from far.
I miss them seriously.. I can't even express my feeling towards them.. Everything was good until one by one of them leaving me to their country and I felt really devastated at that time. When they left, that time my heart pieces by pieces gone because all of them the one were re-shaping my heart back and now it's gone.
Few of them are still my friends, but still we didn't talk much. After i feel this is too much for me to take it, I decided to go away from them without telling and meeting them. I know that was rude of me but I had to. I had to do that otherwise I know i wont go. I still feel bad for my stupid actions, but I had to and i hope they can understand my situation.
I moved back to Johor Bahru and until now its depressing me. I've no friends over here. My friends either in Kl, S.Alam or other countries. I can count by fingers how many friends i have over here and I feel so sad.
I've no one that can joke around, tease, hangout , playing and everything. I miss those stuff. I miss my friends. Its easy to find friends, but finding a friends that you can completely being like a joker together is seriously hard. I can count on them if i needed them before. One ring, then they straight away come to help me. Over here? I mean in JB ? NONE ! ZERO !! I feel so devastated.
I have acquaintances loads. but not friends obviously. HELLO HI BYE.. Only.. Not my friends!!
But still i thankful to GOD because they give me like less than 10 friends in JB now. I think less than 8? Urgh.. Not sure.. HAHA.. But yeah.. They i can said they are my friends.. But i'm not sure if I can count on them when i need them or not. Never tried..
I feel more lonely when my lovely sister got married last year. At that time , i just realized that I need to find someone that can be with me, to guide me, to love me, to protect me and etc in to my life.
But there is none. Maybe yeah one or two come, but I'm the one so picky. There is nothing wrong being a picky because the one that we want have to be with us till we DIE !!
There is nothing special about my life and i feel my life is so sad at this moment and now I trust when people said LIFE IS LIKE A WHEEL. Sometimes we are up, sometimes we are down. But mine now seriously down. I want in the middle which is balance and now I've to do something about that. Whatever it is, I know God loves me so much thats why HE gave me this kind of test. I know as a human, I just can pray to HIM and be Thankful for what I have. My life might be special, but I know something special will come. Something special will comes late and I will trust on that :)